How to feel old, fat, and grizzled in one easy session

I had my eyes checked and dilated yesterday afternoon. They put me on a chair to wait next to a People magazine, summer issue. All the chicks were young enough to be my granddaughters, size 2 or 4, and wore shoes that would put me in the hospital before I got out of the house. I don't normally mind getting older, but it did seem at least a century ago when I might have been seen in public with that much skin exposed.